A grass otter has made a nest in my garden out of patio furniture. How do I get rid of him?

secrete Terry Nutkins into your herbaceous border, he'll do your dirty work.

A grass otter has made a nest in my garden out of patio furniture. How do I get rid of him?
2 Gallons of petrol and a naked flame. You'll probably need some new garden furniture afterwards.
Reply:Have you tried asking it to politely BURGER OFF !
Reply:Without knowing at all where you are, I'd NOT suggest a weapon. I assume there are some form of animal control agencies local to you?





I also suggest you pause for a moment at least and credit this critter for its efforts. Even smile a bit at the ingenuity of "borrowing" from you, what it needed.





All creatures Great and Small.





Steven Wolf
Reply:Hire a female grass otter costume from your local fancy dress hire shop (George at Asda make one, but it's cheap and not very realistic - looks more like a common otter), while wearing the costume you may begin the mating ritual. Walk past the nest from left to right (very important, do NOT start the ritual by walking right to left the consequences could be disastrous), and then right to left flicking your tail in his general direction every third step. When you have gained his trust he will come out of the nest to take a closer look, you must now begin flirting outrageously with him, you can if necessary ply him with alcohol, I find White Lightning or Bacardi Breezers work best. When he starts slapping your face with his tail he is ready to mate, tell him you want to play a kinky game, blindfold him and drive him to a location approximately 10 miles away, tell him to count to 100 (grass otters are notoriously bad at counting) and he will get the surprise of his life. When he's finished counting he removes the blindfold and he's mateless and homeless, this may or may not result in a suicide attempt, but at least you have your patio furniture back.





Works every time.
Reply:have you seen the film ring of bright water. the otter in that gets killed by a ditch digger with a spade blow to the head. just a thought like
Reply:Trap it and contact rspca, careful they can bite.
Reply:I have to ask...what the heck is a grass otter???
Reply:I personally would just leave him,so i'm not going to tell you what you can do about it!
Reply:I personally would contact every major media company in the world as Grass Otters (Gramen Lutra) have been extinct for the better part of 3 thousand years!





If you have made a slight mistake and have a Common Otter (Lutra Lutra) in your garden, contact the local RSPCA branch and seek their advice as Common Otters are endangered!
Reply:Trap or .22 Short will not make much noise
Reply:get a court order and evict his @ss
Reply:I go along with firecat_mage. Suggest you contact the Natural History Museum and then protect it with your life. Do the same when the Dodo turns up to keep it company.
Reply:Once again, get your dwarf to scare him away.
Reply:Why on earth would you want to get rid of him? I would feel priviledged and do anything to encourage him to stay!! If you must though, I agree with zanydumpling. Contact an animal welfare/wildlife organisation for advice.