Do you need to give your pet a pill?

How to give the cat a pill





Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.


Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.


Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.


Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.


Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.


Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.








How to give the dog a pill





Wrap it in bacon.

Do you need to give your pet a pill?
My first real laugh of the day! Thank you, you cheered me up!
Reply:Ha! Very true. Cats are so fun.
Reply:What's the question here?
Reply:That's so funny! I hate having to "medicate" my cats. I have to give Kinsey a thyroid medication once a day now. I'm lucky it is not a two times a day dose.





Why does that bottle of amoxicillin in the refrigerator seem to go on FOREVER. I would swear some gremlin puts more in it every night when I am sleeping. I am surprised the cat doesn't get in there and empty a little every day.
Reply:This is an oldie but a goodie! It's very similar to "how to get your cat in the carrier so you can take him to the vet". Anyway, there is a new product on the market called "Pill Pockets" for both dogs %26amp; cats. The cat ones come in chicken and salmon flavors. You hide the medication inside, seal it up and watch your kitty gobble it up like a good patient should! It's amazing! I wish somebody had told me about these sooner. Check them out at http://www.healthypets.com/pillpockets.h... .
Reply:ha. I just finished giving my cat a round of pills for a sinus infection...It pretty much went exactly like that, minus the emergency room.
Reply:Funny! How about Dogs Letters to God








Dear God,


How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?





Dear God,


When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?





Dear God,


Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!





Dear God,


If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?





Dear God,


Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?





Dear God,


If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?





Dear God,


More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.





Dear God,


When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?





Dear God,


We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?





Dear God,


Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!





Dear God,


Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?





Dear God,


Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing, again?





Dear God,


May I have my testicles back?
Reply:Laughed about the stiches part, I have the proud war wounds of pill giving from a cat!!! As being the first step in care giving to animals coming into our shelter. I got the great and wonderful job if giving pills to all the new animals. I got to be an expert at it, but not after a few deep scratches and bites!! This is a funny rendition