My husband has just left me for a woman he met on a sex chatline we have been married for 25 years?

I thought we were happy we only moved to our new home 5 weeks ago and he has been busy with me buying new furniture planning the garden ect he said he loved me but was not in love with me I cant understand Im devastated

My husband has just left me for a woman he met on a sex chatline we have been married for 25 years?
I'm sorry to hear that, but definitively your marriage wasn't going well.





Unfortunately many times on long term relationship people get to comfortable with their situation and just forget their partner needs.





Clearly you guys already have certain age and sex is no "challenge" anymore, that drives some people to fantasize and with the Internet to live virtual relationships. You being so busy with the new house didn't realize the distance between you both were growing and he on the other hand found someone that was willing to give him the attention he was in need.





Unfortunately this is not a Disney story, where at the end everything will be fine. Not that can't be, but fine is not always what we "want" for fine.





You must be strong and pursue your own happiness, in a moment like that is easy to get confused and believe that all you want and need is him back, your life back, but I'm pretty sure you can find peace and love in new places.





Maybe he can change his mind and decide to come back, but would you like to live in fear of him leaving someday again?





I always say that the best you can do is be happy, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe you was not happy either and the new house was just filling the emptiness that is in your heart.





Be strong, and make sure of what you want and need, and after you know, go for it.
Reply:Kinda makes you want to run him over with a steam roller doesn't it?





Mine was cheating and worse, and I had to work to get rid of them.





I know you feel destroyed, but you have to get up right now and get moving on making your life as good as it can be. Well, maybe after a bit of nursing the feeling of being wrecked, but right after that get up and figure out what you are going to do with your life and get right on it. Nothing kills pain like getting busy and motivated about making your life better.





Do yourself a favor though, change all your accounts to another bank in your name only, but you still have to be careful because you are married and he could get access to them. Cancel all your credit cards right now. Take steps to stop him from ruining your credit, and leaving you without resources.





Then get the best lawyer you can and file for divorce and get some serious advice, you don't want this chump back and you don't want to waste any time getting rid of him and keeping him from marring your future.





I do wish you the best, wish there was something good I could say, but it's a bad deal, just do the best with it you can.
Reply:The same thing happened to my friend's parents. They've been married for over 20 years and then the husband started cheating on his wife for a woman named Pam. They ended up getting a divorce because his wife found out. I'm so sorry for you, and I know this is corny, but sometimes people just fall out of love even when they have loved someone that's near and dear to them. What he probably means by he loves you but isn't IN love with you is that you are a very special person in his life and you mean a lot, but he just doesn't want to be with you anymore because he doesn't feel the same way he did before when he's around you. Nothing personal, but that's what I think and what I've heard. This is a sensitive matter that needs to be taken care of delicately. I think it's nice how you come searching for answers on here. Hope you find somebody else that you love just as much as you loved your previous husband. :) Talk to me any time.
Reply:WOW, how sad.





Is he having a rediscovery of himself like in a midlife crisis?


I have seen so many of these type of breakups way too often.





What happens is the woman fixes herself up and makes herself attractive and puts herself out there to show she is available. Then when she lands another guy, the original husband then has second thoughts about having done the cheating thing, or starts to become violent.





Be very careful, what you do next. Protect yourself and seek professional help in dealing with this difficult situation. It`s very easy to make mistakes when you are not at your best mental state!
Reply:This woman that he left you for is going to end up being 'not all that!". Right now he is lusting after this woman and probably things they'll have wild crazy sex day in and day out. He'll find out that's not going to last.


He was probably bored in your marriage (which happens all the time) and was looking for someone to build up his ego.


Once he realizes that your marriage is more important that his ego he'll be back.


The ball will then be in your court whether or not to accept him back into your life.


Think LONG %26amp; hard if you really want to be with him.


When he is ready to move back in... don't let him, immediately. Make him 'date' you and start having FUN again as a couple.


Make sure that you make a date night once a week or at least twice a month for JUST you 2.


Good luck.
Reply:Interesting. The same thing happened with my parents. They have been together for 30 years and married for 10, with three children together. About three years ago my mother did the same thing, only on the internet, not a chatline. We finally talked her out of it and to come back to her family, only to have her leave again a year or so later and make us a lot more miserable than we were before.





My advice to you is just get out now. I know it hurts really bad, but you can't live your life with someone like that. My mother used the same "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing to my father. It's not worth it. Just be strong, keep your head up and know there is something better out there for you.
Reply:My heart goes out to you, that had to have ripped your heart out.





First, my guess is there must have been a disconnect between you two. There are 3 parts to a good relationship.





1. Communication


2. Sex (which includes sexuality along with the intimacy)


3. Money





Typically, if you have 2 of the 3 going strong it can work. But if you don't it is bound to fail.





As far as your husband getting involved in the cybersex, I would assume that he needed an ego boost and found out there was more out there then he remembered. Both male and female need reassurance from time to time. Even a female, who sees a male (stranger) checking her out in a restaurant makes her feel good. Well men are no different. If you two are not connecting with eachothers needs, and communicating eachothers needs how will you meet eachothers needs? Being a companion is great, but letting the sexuality and intimacy lag makes you more like a brother and sister relationship. Although in the elderly years, that is a good thing. You've got to have the spice all along. And it takes work not to fall into a rutt.





Only you know what your relationship is like. Maybe the two of you needed this to show you what you need to work on in this relationship. Everyone comes in and out of your life for a reason. This may bring you closer.
Reply:I've seen this happen with my parents. Is it possible that he could be going through midlife crisis? He might be blinded by new feelings of lust, but deep down inside, he's already aware of where the real love, connection, history is. He'll come back. The question is, will you take him back? You really need to explore yourself and determine if you are able to forgive him when he decides to come back.





In the meantime, find support with your friends and family. PLEASE don't torture them with your tales of woe. Use them to keep you busy. Join a pottery class at the community college. Join bellydancing at your rec center. Join a singles group at the church. Keeping yourself busy is the best way to avoid getting depressed.





If you decide to forgive him and take him back, you must really FORGIVE him. If you don't think that you'll be able to fully forgive, don't take him back.





You are a strong woman and an inspiration to other women in the same position. Good luck and God Bless!
Reply:This is like something out of a movie and believe it or not, I think it could turn out the way it does in the movies.....he fell in love with you and at the minute, this sex chatline was giving him a bit of excitement and as we all know men think with their d***s, he has decided that leaving you for her would make him happier.....but if this lady is from a sex chatline, that's the kind of girl she is and he'll never chage her and after a while, all he'll want is the normality and even the boredom that sometimes comes with a marriage!? Belive me, he'll be back but when he does, you damn well don't take him back without making him fight for it and pay for what he has put you through. I wouldn't say don't take him back because 25 years of marriage is a lot to throw away and you are not as weak as he is to allow it to be thrown away. If he doesn't come back, you hold your head high, It's easy to fall into a rut and isolate yourself cos you are so devastated....your friends will rally round you at this time and allow them to look after you then get back on your feet and show him that you'll get over him.....I know it'll be hard but you've done nothing wrong.....he must feel ashamed of what he has done. I was once told that someone loved me but wasn't in love with me and I can't understand that either....all you can do is try to work through this one day at a time.....good luck
Reply:25 years, classic mid life crisis time. He thinks he's got this hot chick, probably younger who excites him and jazzes up his life a little. Won't be long until he realises that they have nothing in common (really, what does he actually know about her) and in real life, once you've got over that first blush of lust, then you're left with a normal relationship. We all remember what it's like when you first meet someone, it's new, it's exciting and then after a while we realise that actually, you could never have a long term relationship with them. He'll be back, but make him work for it.
Reply:honey if he did that to you than he was always a pig.


he was buying you new furniture, and said that he loved you, because he didn't want you to suspicious. And when he said he was work in he was probally screw in his secret lover. it may be hard to believe. but you should move on. My mother did the same thing to my dad. it is hard at first, but you have to stay strong.
Reply:Is hard as this maybe youre going to be ok, but only if he keep him gone, if he did it once hes done it before, and will do it again. Be happy in knowing the skank hes with a whore and will break up another family within 6 months. He didnt just met this women or go to the sex chat line once. Let him go be with his slut. Start a new life and dont take that back.
Reply:Try not to think of why it happened, think of things that you can distract yourself with. Its really devastating but there really isn't anything you can do, besides pray that he gets some kind of sexually transmitted disease.





Seriously, you should get tested for any STD's just incase he has been unfaithful.





I'm sorry for your loss but atleast now he has stopped wasting your time.
Reply:I'm sorry to hear this....





I wish you the best....I think you should move on. Unfortunately I've seen a lot of this. It is the world we live in today. It's time for you to put the mean boots on and call your attorney to make sure you don't get screwed in this deal.





Your hubby will eventually find out the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence and possibly want to come home. That's up to you but you need to protect yourself in the meantime.





Hope it works out for you.
Reply:His mind has been screwed up for him to be able to do this, he will find out that what he is going after is an illusion.





I think everything is possible, he may be able to get fixed, but maybe he has done irreversible damage to his mind. You are by no means at fault, and don't feel bad about yourself. It is natural to feel bad, but be sure you are not the problem.
Reply:Men are idiots. He will come back in a few weeks or months if you don't beg him and he sees you are a strong woman. At that point you will have three options: 1. Forgive him, 2. Move on and learn to love yourself like you deserve, 3. Find another guy who will hurt you because men are idiot..and so are women. Sorry, most people suck...but some suck less then others. If you take care of yourself you might just heal enough to trust someone who will not dissapoint you.
Reply:that is totally shocking...but more and more common due to the increase in internet use. the life the'other woman' offers can seem so much more exciting than what they have and hold. Your husband wants to think though that there is a good chance it won't last. what you have to decide now is....will you be there to pick up the pieces?good luck dear.xx
Reply:I share your pain because I have lived through a similar situation. He obviously thinks the grass is greener on the other side and he will undoubtedly find out he is wrong. I hope that you have children who will stick with you as mine have. I am disgusted by some of the answers you have received from immature and insensitive people. Good luck for the future.
Reply:I feel as though i am going through the same thing myself, what i will say to you is you are better off out of it, he doesn't deserve you, anyone that can do that is a piece of s**t and it will back fire on him one day coz if she has been doing that with him she will be doing it with someone else. Good luck, it will be hard but it will get better.
Reply:i think id call that BULLSHIT


that "husband" of yours is a jackass


in any case, you deserve better


he clearly is just one confused man


who is not ready for a real relationship of any kind


im sorry you're devastated


that guy is out there for you


(he clearly was not the one)


so dont lose faith :)
Reply:wow. that's really devestating... when your ready you might want to start by going to therapist or maybe if you know someone who went through the same thing, talk to them. Right now I think you just need to talk about it and work through it. You don't want to keep it inside or talk to ppl who don't understand. They will just give you advice that you can't use lol
Reply:that is disgusting, what an absolute tosser. I would guess at some kind of mid-life crisis and I'm sure he'll come crawling back in the very near future - the question is, do you want him back after this?





I would get some sort of counselling, as it must incredibly emotionally stressful for you - and move on without him
Reply:This is devastating and its possible he is going through some form of mid life crisis, ask him to go to relate, marriage counselling, you have both invested a lot of time, effort, love, in this marriage and he can't just throw it all away. Get him to go with you now.
Reply:Your husband has temporary insanity. I am a happily married man who has never gone into a sex chat line. My wife of 20 years is the only woman I need. Your husband should be ashamed of himself. Divorce him and take him to the cleaners.
Reply:I'm so sorry,





It seems planned, If you are getting a divorce because of this consider


1) he knew you would get the house in divorce and wanted to set you up


2) He's a dumb@**


3) He was liquidating his/yours assets before a divorce
Reply:Sounds like he's having a mid-life crisis. He's a very confused person right now. You're going to need to move on with your life. He's "lost," for the moment. Eventually he'll realize what a grave mistake he's made...but it might not be for awhile. Find someone new.
Reply:What an a$$hole!!





Get together with your friends, have a good cry about it and think of all the reasons why you don't need him anymore. It will take you a long time to get over this but you will be a stronger person at the end of it all.
Reply:AAAhhhhh yes. The good ole, I love you, but I'm not in love with you thing. Men are pigs sometimes. They will play the game until something they think better comes along. I guess you will have to take everything when you divorce him





froggy
Reply:Did you guys fight a lot? Were you one of those bitchy wives that got mad at their husband for ever litlle thing til they decided they cant take it anymore?? We need more details. What did he complain about? Sorry you have to go through this.
Reply:Hello








I'm glad you have lots of support and sad that this has become the norm. There isn't a lot of advice I could give that already hasn't been given. He will want to come back, Don't let him.


If you need to talk, vent, whatever, Email me. Good Luck!
Reply:25 years of bad sex will do that to a man





Sorry you should of done the things he wanted you to do to him





Now the girl from the chatline is enjoying him