Wondering if I should get married or not, My fiance of 2 years will not do anything in house.?

He moved in with me last October, and when you ask him to do something, well it is always maybe, I have just finished painting %26amp; decorating our bedroom %26amp; livingroom ok he did do the bedroom ceiling but he is 6ft 5in compared to my 5ft 1in He is also 38 and I am 49 years of age, I was left to move all the furniture, well I had to do it as he was down the pub watching football, when he did come in he said (you should have left that till I was here) even though he was in when I started doing it. Yesterday he did help me clean out the garden shed, but it was all swearing kicking things about I just knew he did not want too do it, he just wants to sit about the house jumping channels when not in the pub. Please advise can you change someone or not

Wondering if I should get married or not, My fiance of 2 years will not do anything in house.?
Hi,in your heart you already know the answer to this,perhaps bacause of your age,you might be thinking " who else will i meet?". Well believe me you will,and some one you deserve! Get rid of the lazy ****. he will always be this way!...Goodluck and be happy!
Reply:If you are asking yourself if you should marry this man, then you already have doubts. The best advice I can give you is, when in doubt.... don't!


And your second question: can you change someone?


If you want to change him, why are you with him?


The only person you have the right to change and the opportunity to change is YOU.


So, you have two choices, and they basically boil down to go or stay.


Go away from him or stay with him.


Go away from your way of thinking and behaviour; or stay with that mind set.


Why are you staying with him? They stopped giving martyrs sainthoods a lot time ago.


You either love him and his quirky ways are endearing; or his quirky ways are going to irritate you more over time.


Perhaps you could examine your needs and then make a decision based on the rest of your life, because no matter if you stay together or part, it is going to affect the rest of your life.
Reply:u have to realise u cant change him.......i thot the same as well but my boyfriend 4 4yrs never changed......We just broke up cos i realised i had no chance in hell of changin him....and plus i ran out of patience. Although a friend of mine who has been married for 9yrs says her husband is way better (character-wise) than he was when they 1st got 2gether......it culd be that hes gettin older or hes actually changed


On he's defence tho.....some guys are laid back (no offence) and always need a push to actually get things done......I'm sure u've got some bad habits he's puttin up wiv


I think u need 2 feel it in ur heart, make sure he's the one........and have a lot of PATIENCE......





No one can make up ur mind 4 u cos at the end of the day its ur life........





hope this helps, good luck
Reply:The thing is if he's not doing these things now when you get married he's still not going to do them and he could use the excuse of before we got married I never used to help around the house so why should I start now. If it's really getting to you then you have to tell him and make him do things around the house. For example stop doing his washing for a week, if he leaves things like dishes around and you have to pick them up then stop doing it and hopefully after a while he will either say something to you about it. OR he will start picking up after himself and start doing things.





The thing is if you don't talk to him about it now, its not going to improve once you are married
Reply:In a word - No.





Get rid of him, sounds like a complete waster.
Reply:you should be marrying someone because you are in love with who they are. the fact you are wondering should you marry him should be ringing enough alarm bells. But the fact you want to marry him then hope to change him???? thats unrealistic, if you marry him, he will naturally think you love him as he is, and quite rightly resent you wanting to change him. Do you think marrying a man is like getting a puppy? take him home and train him?? you sound a strong capable person, why are you hoping to make a man out of this guy? he prefers to be down the pub with the boys, let him go out to play and find a grown up man to love and be a companion through life
Reply:No,you can't change him and he won't change unless he wants to...You are having doubts about marrying him so DON'T !!!
Reply:If ur 49 u shoud know u wont be able to change him. if u hav doubts dont marry him.
Reply:lol sounds like married life already and u aint even married.if you having doubts then dont get married you have to 100% feel happy and be certain about it
Reply:I think you already know the answer to this question,You have nothing good to say about him,so why are you with him?
Reply:It doesn't sound like he's going to change his ways, he lacks the respect and support that you deserve.


Get rid of him!
Reply:i would put the wedding on hold until you are 100% certain he has changed not many men do if you do everything he will never change give him some responsibility i have to with my partner he gets very lazy until my foot goes up his bum but its up to you if you like the way he is then carry on if not tell him to shape up or get out .....................
Reply:Unfortunately, you can't change a person or make them do what you'd like them to do if it's not in them to do it. It's sad that he won't help out, but after 2 years of being with him, did you know this? I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him if I were you. In the long run, you're going to get tired of pulling all of the weight and this might cause problems in the relationship. It would be best to nip it in the bud!





Good Luck!
Reply:Wow, he sounds like a real catch,better snap him up right away before some other unlucky lady gets landed with him...
Reply:Hi, unless you loose your rang and put your foot down he aint going to change. Most men are like this. I dont think its an excuse not to marry him though unless you are seriously not happy. If hes a manly man not a man who loves house work then he will never change they are all the same. But he lives with you now and I suggest you make a few rules. You are engaged there is no need to plann a wedding yet. Just see how it goes. Like some people say when moving with each other you get to see what the other half is really like and unless there willing to accept a few changes in your homw then maybe it wont work.





As all women say, if you want anything doing do it yourself and if they ask you to do something tell them to do it themselves. If you do it yourself if saves your fiance throughing a strop and losing his temper then he will feel gulilty for no helping you when you have done it on your own.
Reply:well men are men they will never do what you want them to do. and no you can't change someone. if it's getting crazy lazyness. i would talk to him and tell him that he has to pull his own weight if he wants to be there, you are not his maid cook decorator. just remember your weight is always gonna be more than his( figuratively i mean). couse men are babys
Reply:Sorry my answer is short and sweet - NO. The idea you are having doubts means in your heart you know yourself it will not work out. Only solution could be a break away from each other for him to sort himself out and if he then agrees you are correct and he genuinely changes his ways could work out. However he should be changed for a long time before the marriage takes place.
Reply:I would say a 'definate NO !!'
Reply:you have to be brave and tell him you are not prepared to spend the rest of your days clearing up after him, he is an adult not a child,if he see's household and garden chores as womens work kick him to the kerb,you should not let him use you as free bed and board, and i am sure you would find yourself another partner in no time.
Reply:Janet, STOP doing things yourself and see how long it is before he asks things like "Whats for dinner?"


When he asks and believe me he will, just say to him "It's the chefs night off. So we're having whatever YOU are cooking"


If he won't cook and gets a takeaway, fine, leave the washing up and get him to do it. If he won't you know where you stand.


When my partner is at work, I do the washing, cleaning, cooking etc and so must HE!
Reply:He'll always be like that, unless you sit him down and discuss it with him. Tell him how you feel when he behaves like that. If he loves you, he'll change. If he doesnt change you have to decide if you want to stay with him or not. He might try turning it into an argument to avoid the issue, so keep your cool. Good luck ;-)
Reply:I've got one of those, too!! I blame his mother! lol


He's 13 years younger than me and we've been together for 10 years (known each other for 16) and I haven't got him trained yet!
Reply:you've been engaged to him for 2 years already and haven't married? i think you have your answer. there is also a 11 yr difference in age. even at 38 he doesn't sound mature enough to be married.
Reply:No you can't and shouldn't even try - don't get married to this guy until he can prove that he loves you and is committed to you. If you are questioning your relationship I think you already have your answer.
Reply:A marriage certificate wont change his pattern of behaviour.
Reply:You've been engaged for two years, why so long? Who keeps putting off the wedding?


He shows no interest in home life or partnership. Does he want to get married? He seems quite happy living in the comfort of your home and behaving like a single man.


He's not ready to get married. Ditch him.


You can't change anyone, by the way. You shouldn't even try.
Reply:If marrying him hangs on him helping you I would say no - do not marry him and do not live with him.





You definitely won't change him.





It is a question of whether you are prepared to put up with a lazy inconsiderate male or are you worth something better!





Good luck whatever you decide.
Reply:If you want to buy a house and that you find a house you don't like because of some detail, would you risk spending the rest of your life in it ?
Reply:I hope you don't marry him. You're going to live with somebody like that for the rest of your life? Give yourself another life.
Reply:in the words of a no doubt song





"i find myself trying to change you


if you were meant to be my lover i wouldn't have to"
Reply:seriously, dont take that from him. if he loves you he will help you with such physical things, he shouldnt sit back and watch you struggle like that.


tell him that you want him to help you more, if he DOES love you and DOES want to marry you he will help. there is no point wasting your life on someone who does not care about your struggles, there are plenty of lovely blokes out there who would probably love to meet you. i hope things work out for the best! good luck! x x x

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